What does it mean to be a friend? With a friends list growing close to 600 on my facebook account I easily recognize the fact that the term "friend" has broadened in its definition. Nowadays a friend can be someone with whom you shared a college class for one semester, a person you met at a convention once, or even a celebrity whom you have admired from afar and have never communicated with personally. And in our current cultural climate of narcissism, discontent, and entitlement, friends can easily become disposable. If they aren't serving as a means to our ends, it's time to move on and find new friends who will meet our demands.
The Bible offers us some insight. In two of Jesus' parables he seems to use the word to describe people who are not friendly at all (Matt. 20:13; 22:12). He even calls Judas "friend" at the point of his betrayal (Matt. 26:50). But we must not allow our English translations to pull the wool over our eyes. The Greek word used in these instances (hetairos) is different from the usual word for friend (philos) that is used elsewhere. It seems that Jesus is using the term much as a officer would address an enlisted man, or a teacher one of his pupils. It is the greater addressing the lesser.
Elsewhere in the New Testament we see a richer use of the word "friend." Jesus called his disciples his friends, noting that the friendship was based upon their obedience and his willingness to disclose himself to them and lay down his life for them (John 15:12-15). Luke really likes the term philos, using it 17 times in Luke-Acts. Jesus wants us to "buy" our friendships in the sense of using our stuff to bless others (Luke 16:9). Thus, when you are in physical need, a friend will provide for you (Acts 24:23; 27:3). Even more importantly, friends are concerned about your spiritual needs (Acts 10:24). And when the lost are found and it is time to rejoice, friends need to be invited to the party (Luke 15:6, 9, 29)!
Jesus' detractors were often off-target when they attacked him. But he was rightly accused of being a friend of tax collectors and and other sinners (Matt. 11:19; Luke 7:34). This is different than being friends with the "world," which refers to embracing the pattern of self-absorbed rebellion ever-present in the secular culture (James 4:4). I believe this tells us something about the Christian mission: we need to be able to love people without loving their behavior. It seems to me that often in the church we swing from one end of the pendulum to the other. We either accept sin or reject the sinner. We should consistently reject sin and accept the sinner.
With all this tumbling around in my head, I asked myself what kind of commitment one friend (as I would define friendship) should have to another. So I have come up with the following terms of friendship.
ARTICLE ONE
As your friend, I will try my best to be honest and open with you. I will expect the same from you.
ARTICLE TWO
As your friend, I will try my best to be there for you when need a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold onto, a brain to pick, an ear to talk to, or a foot that will kick your hind parts. In other words, I will try my best to meet your needs, up to the point where attempting to meet those needs would harm you, others or myself. I will expect the same from you.
ARTICLE THREE
As your friend, if you are a fellow believer, I will try my best to hold you accountable to your commitment to live like Jesus. I will lovingly let you know when you are missing the mark, will encourage you when you are making progress, and will never think less of you because of your personal brokenness. I will expect the same from you.
ARTICLE FOUR
As your friend, if you do not know Jesus, I will try my best to live a life that models his character, love, and grace before you. I will be praying for you. I will not be pushy, but I will not hide my allegiance, and I will always be ready to give you an answer for the hope that I have.
ARTICLE FIVE
As your friend, I know that despite my best efforts, I will fail you. My personal brokenness will get in the way. I hope that when I do, you will be able to forgive me and be reconciled to me. I will expect the same from you, and I promise to do my best to forgive and be reconciled to you.
Being a friend involves risk. But I'm willing to roll the dice.
